924Board.org

[morghen]

_________________
Supercharger and EFI kits
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[fiat22turbo]

[morghen]

then i stand corrected, i knew he is a regular in the local racing championships...i didnt know Tom Cruise is racing

dont be an ass, i was just saying that one should learn to respect the car he drives...especially if its an icon like the F1.
_________________
Supercharger and EFI kits
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[DOCO]

some funny (apparently true)you be the judge of british hospitals





1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi'.

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxis - - - and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St.. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow


2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. I instructed.

'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient..

Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath


3 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.


4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.

'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General


5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered .'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent


6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . ...' So how was your breakfast this morning?'

'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary.


7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation..
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . .'Keep off the grass'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty , KGH London

Dr. wouldn't submit his name
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Doco "where am i going and why am i in this handbasket"author unknown
79 924 N/A "Webster"
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"WEBB STR"

[DOCO]

old one but still has its place in humor!!


I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...


A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'


She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.
_________________
Doco "where am i going and why am i in this handbasket"author unknown
79 924 N/A "Webster"
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/______\
[+]___[+]
\0 924 0/
[__]..[__]
"WEBB STR"

[fiat22turbo]

[morghen]

priceless

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfrqtZpkJGs
_________________
Supercharger and EFI kits
https://www.the924.com

[DOCO]

A woman was on the way to winning $100,000 on a game show, but her final question was suspended for the next night. Her husband sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer. He raced home and told his wife "Your question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy', and the answer is 'The head, heart and penis.'

The woman thinks about this throughout the night, but keeps forgetting the answer. Her husband keeps reminding her, "The head, heart and penis."Come the game show she has forgotten again, and the presenter asks, "For $100,000, what are the three main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds."
"Um... the head."
"Good. Eight seco! nds."
"Um... the heart."
"That's right. Five seconds."
"Oh... um... damn.
My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."

"That's close enough! You've won $100,000!"
_________________
Doco "where am i going and why am i in this handbasket"author unknown
79 924 N/A "Webster"
_______
/______\
[+]___[+]
\0 924 0/
[__]..[__]
"WEBB STR"

[DOCO]

A woman was on the way to winning $100,000 on a game show, but her final question was suspended for the next night. Her husband sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer. He raced home and told his wife "Your question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy', and the answer is 'The head, heart and penis.'

The woman thinks about this throughout the night, but keeps forgetting the answer. Her husband keeps reminding her, "The head, heart and penis."Come the game show she has forgotten again, and the presenter asks, "For $100,000, what are the three main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds."
"Um... the head."
"Good. Eight seco! nds."
"Um... the heart."
"That's right. Five seconds."
"Oh... um... damn.
My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."

"That's close enough! You've won $100,000!"
_________________
Doco "where am i going and why am i in this handbasket"author unknown
79 924 N/A "Webster"
_______
/______\
[+]___[+]
\0 924 0/
[__]..[__]
"WEBB STR"

[Lizard]

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be president some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were president what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

Her parents beamed.

"Wow... what a worthy goal." I told her, "But you don't have to wait until you're president to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where homeless guys hang out, and you can give them the $50, you earned, to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.
_________________
3 928s,

[morghen]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ehYoIKTsiV0#!
_________________
Supercharger and EFI kits
https://www.the924.com

[ideola]

_________________
erstwhile owner of just about every 924 variant ever made

[DOCO]

In 1923, Who Was:

1. President of the largest steel company?
2.. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat spec ulator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?


These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days..

Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them..








The Answers:


1. The president of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab,

died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson,

went insane.

3. The president of th e NYSE,
Richard Whitney,

was released from prison
to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger,

died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of
the Bank of International Settlement,

shot himself.

6 The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Livermore,

also committed suicide



However,
in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion
and the winner of the most important golf tournament,
the US Open,
was Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92,
died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure
at the time of his death.

The Moral:

Piss on work.
Play golf.
_________________
Doco "where am i going and why am i in this handbasket"author unknown
79 924 N/A "Webster"
_______
/______\
[+]___[+]
\0 924 0/
[__]..[__]
"WEBB STR"

[DOCO]

A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea."I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.. When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves, as he is "having company for dinner."As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.After many trips she is tired and irritated, and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.Thinking that she can save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?""No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little bit."
_________________
Doco "where am i going and why am i in this handbasket"author unknown
79 924 N/A "Webster"
_______
/______\
[+]___[+]
\0 924 0/
[__]..[__]
"WEBB STR"

[Khal]

Definitely NOT work friendly.
_________________
'80 924 Turbo