924Board.org

[Ozzie]

WHY WE BROKE UP

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending:$65.00 on make-up, $150 for a cut & color, $30 for a manicure, $40 for a pedicure, $50 on vitamins, $300 on clothes and $600 for a gym membership.

I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her.

She said she needed it to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

[morghen]

hahahhaa...that was a realy good one Ozzie.

Now check this out:


_________________
Supercharger and EFI kits
https://www.the924.com

[dwak]

Just read the last few jokes and feel much better now, thanks.

dwak
_________________
2x924NA's for parts
931
924S

[morghen]

911 spining

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHf2-cnwshg&mode=related&search=
_________________
Supercharger and EFI kits
https://www.the924.com

[Ozzie]

Worse pick up lines ever:

1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.

3) My Love for you is like diarrhoea ... I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6) If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light
switch away.

Man - Fat Penguin ! Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into
this cheap motel room.

11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the
afternoon.

and.... the best for last!

13) Your face reminds me of a spanner, every time I think of it my nuts
tighten up
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

[tj924]

Dave works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and Plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so, for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings Over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey".

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, Starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Davey. Want your usual Table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,calling him every 4 letter Word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez  Dave, you picked up a real bitch this time."
_________________
TJ
Silver '82 924 NA 5-Speed Manual

[Neil924]

German kid gone totally crazy waiting for his PC to load a video game.

http://forum.heaven666.org/showthread.php?t=928

[Ozzie]

Hope he never breeds.
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

[Paul]

A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets
up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight
attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells
the blonde passenger that she paid for Economy and that she will have to
go and sit in the back. The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful,
I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and
co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that
belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because
she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an economy place and
she will have to leave and return to her original seat. The blonde
replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I' m
staying right here!"

Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that he
probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this
blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to
a blonde, and I speak blonde!"

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says " Oh, I'm
sorry - I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her seat in the
economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said
to make her move without any fuss. The Pilot replied "I told her First
Class isn't going to Melbourne
_________________
White 87 924S "Ghost"
Silver 98 986 3.6l 320 HP "Frank N Stein"
White 01 986 "Christine"
Polar Silver 02 996TT. "Turbo"
Owned and repaired 924s since 1977
Porsche: It's not driving, it's therapy.

[Ozzie]

Don't we all just love telmarketers?

Got another one today. Some Filipino female rang to sell me a holiday package and so I told her I wasn't allowed to take holidays.

When she asked why, I told her I'd been sentenced to 9 months home detention for car theft.

She hung up............
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

[dwak]

Joined: 02 Nov 2002

Explosive issue

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Urban myth or true?
I heard that this American fellow was flying to Europe with his mom and was having his bags searched and the customs people noticed a suspicious package in his baggage.
It was his penis enlargener.
When asked what it was, with his mom looking on, in his embarrassment he blurted out that it was a bomb.
That went over like a lead balloon and now he's looking at 3 years in the slammer.

dwak
_________________
2x924NA's for parts
931
924S

[J1NX3D]

i have had tooooons o laughs at this website; www.bash.org

its a site that compiles funny IRC converstaions that poeple have submitted.

[tj924]

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

**************************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.  She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags.  I won the Lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God!  What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

**************************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

**************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

**************************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

**************************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful CAREFUL!  I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you wat it feels like when I'm driving."

**************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap...

The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
_________________
TJ
Silver '82 924 NA 5-Speed Manual

[Peter_in_AU]

You need to actually read the error message:

http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
_________________
1979 924 (Gone to a better place)
1974 Lotus 7 S4 "Big Valve" Twin-cam (waiting)
1982 924 (As featured on Wikipedia)

Learn to love your multimeter and may the search be with you

[Peter_in_AU]

Another great beer ad from the boys at Carlton

http://www.flashbeer.com.au
.
.
_________________
1979 924 (Gone to a better place)
1974 Lotus 7 S4 "Big Valve" Twin-cam (waiting)
1982 924 (As featured on Wikipedia)

Learn to love your multimeter and may the search be with you